A few posts ago I mentioned my list of projects and in the last handful of days I have completely wrapped up two (granted they're connected to each other, but whatev) and I am at a temporary stopping point for one of the hardest things I have ever written.
The two related things are hanging in Megan Needs to Prove She's Human Limbo, but I expect that to be all cleared up by Monday, and hopefully I will be getting AMAZING news sometime that same day. Either that or it'll be ugly cry inducing news that I will have to brush off and fake my way through not becoming a wreck. OR the universe will play a mean trick on me and I won't get the news I'm waiting for.
The third is what I am most proud of. Four pages of pure non-fictional writing. No coy wording or flowery descriptions to make it easier to read. Just my own special version of speech telling the story of me growing up. I sent it off to a friend so I can get her opinion on edits and hopefully she'll be able to help guide me to a suitable ending and I'll be able to submit it somewhere for a lot of people to read. That's always been my goal, share the ugly, let it help others deal with their own demons and let it be known that the labels forced upon us by others don't have to define us if we don't want them to.
What I wasn't expecting was the lightness I feel. After writing it, and reading it and feeling a little (a lot) stabbed in the gut, I felt strangely at peace about it all. Like writing it out drained out the poison that has been coursing through my blood for the last 20 plus years of my life. I feel (finally) detached from it. Like it no longer belongs to me. Yes it helped shape me into the person I am today (tonight to be literal), but it doesn't define me, and it hasn't in a long time, I just hadn't noticed before.
It has taken me a long time to tell this particular story, and now that it's been taken from me, I feel ready for a new story to define my life by.
Yes, its not done yet, and there's still some aftermath to write about, and I need to find an appropriate venue to share it on, but all in good time. I've been actively trying to write this piece since I was 16, and now that I've finally gotten this far there is no way I'm stopping now.
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